Couples arguing is not uncommon; some don’t display their life on the line for everyone to see but almost every couple has their moments behind the scenes and that is okay – as long as it’s staying handled in a healthy way and not continuously happening.
Being in a relationship is being able to work on the things that make you argue; but not always can you conquer that straight away. Things take time and disagreements and issues can occur all of the time.
Most common reasons couples fight
As said couples fighting is not uncommon in a relationship, things that couples fight about vary from relationship to relationship. There may even be multiple common issues that occur. It’s about how you deal with those issues in a relationship that matter. We’re going to take you through the common things that couples argue about.
- Money – A big factor in relationship arguments is money, and not always he buys/She buys kind of fights more along the lines of couples struggling to make ends meet, and clashing because one is so stressed and not communicating with the other. Money is a big factor within a family, without money you can’t provide for your family which makes things very hard as the price of rent, food, petrol, insurance etc. is all rising.
- Work – To get money we all need work, right? Sometimes also the stress of work can cause drama, although it is the place of money – sometimes there are greater and bigger issues than just the money. Like the boss is demanding and causing stress, or you’re not getting along with someone on your team. It’s good to be able to communicate these stressors with your partner but if you are letting it dictate your home life as well this may start to cause ongoing issues in your relationship. Work is important but it’s also healthy to be able to step back and unwind once the work day is over to enjoy the company of your partner.
- Family communication – On top of all of this family communication can be a big letdown in relationships and each communication style in relationships can vary, it’s important to know though when the communication becomes an issue. This could be by the tone of voice, the non-verbal gestures could be negative like eye rolling or lack of eye contact and engagement. It could even mean one partner has stopped engaging in communication with their partner altogether in order to avoid a fight or fear their partner just doesn’t care about what they have to say. These can cause bigger problems and explosive arguments or suppressed emotions within the relationship if patterns are continued and left unfixed.
- Children – And communicating about children is important but it can become an issue if you and your partner are on different pages when it comes to child rearing, activities, religion, schools, parenting styles. Often one partner might pick up all the slack when it comes to parenting while the other is more relaxed and taking on less of the load. Raising children is no easy feat, so to have a supportive and caring partner will make all the difference. If you find you’re always clashing then you might have some issues that need addressing.
- Intimacy – Sometimes all of the things above, and just how busy your days are; you’re too tired for cuddles or intimacy. This may make your significant other feel worthless or not so special, this can cause problems in a relationship. Taking the time out to ensure that the other person has a good day and is happy can keep your intimacy on a good level. Normally all of the things above we just spoke about need to be in order and causing no stress for intimacy levels to be high in relationships.
- Time – A lot of relationships struggle on time; time to date, time to relax and just time to be together. This can have a major impact on your relationship with very little time to spend on one and other. They make sure your time is going elsewhere or somewhere more important. Although all of the things above like money, children, communication all take time; you must do your part too in a relationship – maybe date nights, dinners, cinemas; this will keep the relationship healthy. Making your partner a priority instead of just an option is important to keep your relationship healthy.
Did you think you were the only couple?
With all of this mentioned are you feeling a little easier now? You are not alone if you think that you’re the only couple that fights; because that is not true. Everyone has their own stresses in their life that causes tension sometimes and can cause arguments between your closest loved ones. Although it’s not nice to fight, sometimes it’s good to get the things off your chest- working on how to communicate them better is a good idea though.
You won’t believe it, or you might! One of the most common things that couples fight about are the chores, yes seemingly unimportant but leads to such silly arguments, when someone could have just done the dishes and no feelings would have been hurt. So don’t stress if you think that you’re alone on this one!
Okay, as we do argue, most of us don’t realise that there is actually a pattern to how we fight and then make up. After an argument, some may go for a cigarette, others a walk, or a ride and have time to relax and wind down; during this time you will have regret and sorrow for what you have said to your significant other and this often leads to the final part of the argument, the make-up.
It’s important to make up after an argument to both acknowledge where you went wrong and what you could have done better, it’s not about placing blame or solving, but approaching the other person with complete compassion and understanding to mend and perhaps decide upon more healthy ways to approach a disagreement next time. You don’t want to repeat the same negative patterns of behaviour, the goal is to grow together.
Passed the argument point
In saying all of the above, arguments are normal but only to an extent. If you feel the way you’re being treated or that your relationship is unhealthy you don’t have to stay. There does come some point in time, when the fighting has to stop – the arguments get pointless and the fights are escalating. In no time at all is it okay for another to put someone down or disrespect them, if you have love for someone; you would do anything for them. Sometimes it does get hard, we may get angry but it’s never okay to become aggressive and treat someone unfairly and if it comes to that you’re the one causing the harm and arguments that you should leave to save your significant other the hurt.
Making excuses for someone’s behaviour is not okay, and you don’t have to do so. If you feel you are, then maybe it’s time to seek help. If you need relationship assistance you can contact the men or women’s relationship line, if you are in any harm please contact the police.
Too many lives are taken over silly arguments when you could have left, de-escalated the problem and spoke it over another day. Please don’t make your problems someone else’s by harming them.
If you feel like you need some additional support you may be interested to look into couples counselling with John Arber. You can call John Arber on 0418 720 176 for a confidential free chat about your issues and strategy to overcome them.